? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
