i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
