i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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