am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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