Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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