Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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