I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize