you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
