My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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