Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
