My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
