And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
