All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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