When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
