i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
