we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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