By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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