I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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