did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
