I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
