Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
