Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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