I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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