I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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