There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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