Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
