So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
