Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
