I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
