Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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