Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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