Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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