if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love you.
Bad choice
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
