Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
