Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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