Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
