I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
