Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
