no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
