You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
