Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
