whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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