Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
