Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
