I faked an abortion last night.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
