He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
