handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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