So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
