HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
two words...techno handjob
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
