his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
