Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
