His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
