hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
