my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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