Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
