You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
