but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
