between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
