How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
