I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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