I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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