It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
