Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
