Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize