11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
