Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
