I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
