I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize