We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
