i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
