Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
