I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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